I have the Devil's Haircut-in my mind...

Well, actually, it is much better than that, and it's on my head. That's right, folks, I cut off my hair. More than 10 inches. It is now short and bouncy, and I think it looks pretty darn cute, if I may say so myself. It's getting my parents all choked up, though...'oh, what a grown-up haircut.'
Just like Jo in "Little Women," I swore I would wear my hair in two tails until I was twenty if that was what it took to let me behave like a little girl...but now my hair is kinda too short for that.
Well, I hope everyone likes it. You'll get to see it soon enough, I'm sure.

On a side note, something interesting happened to me today. Never happened before. A customer asked me out. It was a very strange experience. Granted, he was too old for me, but at least it wasn't Mr. Chavez with the two kids. He was maybe in his 20's this time. Apparently he thought I was his age. Whoops. Anyway, he was all, "so, when are you off this week?" And I was like...hm, how do you answer this question?
I tried to show him my age by saying "Well, I'm leaving for college soon..." But that didn't work, so I had to just shut him down with, "sorry, but I just can't...but I'm very flattered."
Which is true. Flattered, a little freaked, and pleasantly surprised.

Oh yea, and I dropped in on the lunch with Ross and co. That was nice. Thanks, guys.

Recommendation

Everyone needs to walk in the rain periodically. Preferably late at night. I like to do it with friends, but that is a non-issue really.

Something about walking in the rain is very cleansing, both physically and mentally. It's the sound of the water, the coolness, something.

There is also something cleansing, for the soul, about hanging out with ancient friends and eating amazing cheesecake before walking in the rain.

Which is what I did.

I release all regrets, doubts, fears, uneasyness I had until this moment.

Disappointment

So, I just can't get a break.

For anyone who doesn't know, my prom date this year was a cousin of a friend of the family who flew in specially from Ohio just to come to my prom.

It was only the most romantic thing ever to have happened to me. I will never forget it.

So, thinking about that beautiful happy memory, I was excited when I found out he was coming to town for a family reunion.

Well, I saw him today. Something, that spark, that something that made everything magical, is gone. He probably found someone else, some nice Ohio girl, which would make sense.

However, I held on to the idea that we would be reunited and it would be this beautiful reunion, happy happy happy, *muah muah muah*.

So I'm really disappointed. Terribly.


I could really use that kind of experience right now. Strong male embrace from someone who cares for me and who I care for equally.

Hurray! Megan is leaving!

We are having a party to celebrate that.

Aug. 6, 7:30-10 p.m, Thomas Center Pool


You are invited if you habitually read this blog.

I'll try to get actual invitations out to everyone...

No Rest for the Weary

I worked at BBuster last night from 11 p.m. to 5 a.m., doing inventory. Counting ice creams, soft drinks...scanning videos for hours. I am exhausted, and it's been hours since I got home and slept.

I work again tonight, at 6.



I don't mind too much, though. I'm not exactly feeling social anyway; yesterday looms heavy on my mind.

Dream

So after completely humiliating myself today, I came home and collapsed into a 2-hour nap. I woke up hoping it had all been a dream. I'm pretty sure it wasn't, unfortunately.


To thine ownself be true.

At least I can give myself that much credit today.

*sigh*

I can't do anything right.


Maybe it isn't really a question of right or wrong; it's more like my way vs. your way.


My way isn't working right now.

Dancing in the Grocers

So I realized I haven't posted in awhile, but, well, I just haven't felt like it. I've worked the closing shift the past four nights at BBuster, which just wears me out. Today I was off. My daddy and I went to the zoo (Ft.W) and it was absolutely fantastic! It wasn't too hot, the exhibits are amazing, and I would highly recommend the zoo for all you naysayers out there: going to the zoo revitalizes your inner child (something that is very important to me as I made a promise to myself in the 4th or 5th grade that I would never grow up).
Go to the zoo.

...
Have you ever heard a song that made you remember something really happy? Well, I was with my dad post-zoo in the grocery store to buy dinner when "Runaround," this song from Celebration, a very meaningful event to me, came on. I had to dance.

I danced in the grocers, and it was good.

Try it sometime. It makes you feel really really good!

(Scott, if you could burn me a copy of that song and some other energizers...I could dance all the time!)

Change is disturbing

Okay, I think I've figured out this new blog thing. Stupid computers. Stupid me.

I apologize for my vehemence the other day (actually, no, I don't. I'm passionate). I worked for my mother that morning, which was all right, even though it was supposed to be my one and only day off. I figured I would compromise by working half-day for her and having fun the remainder of the day. She decided last-minute to say "Oh, I thought you could work until 4 today" which means "Work until four, because I said so." Seeing as this was not the agreed-upon plan, I flat-out refused and went home. Unfortunately, my mother is one of those women that can make you feel like you screwed up even when you are right. So I was pissed.
And that made me all the more determined to have fun (so there!). I get fiesty when I'm fiery. I call a few people to see if they can do anything, everyone shoots me down for this or that good reason. Fire becomes simmering sadness.
Would have called more people, but father came in just then. "Clean" he says and I am helpless to disobey. I clean half of the kitchen. Now, to understand the full impact of this statement, you would have had to have seen the state of my kitchen. Think tsunami in a very small kitchen. Example: A drawer had been used as a shelf due to convenient location. Over time, shelf filled with debris, of the food variety. You don't want to know what I scraped out of there.
So now I'm hot, lonely, sad, mad, and dirty. (Hot because there is no a/c in my house, STILL. We are now going on about four weeks).


I never did get to go anywhere on my day off.

I will update on current affairs later. It is 1:43 a.m. and time for me to sleep.

CANT POST....ARG. NEED TO VENT! CANT!

Nothing happening here

Absolutely nothing is going on here. It's rather dull. I'm still working a lot...hurray for boredom!

Yesterday I was told that I friend that I consider to be among one of my closest dislikes me. This is disturbing to me only because I've wondered the same thing about the friendship before. That and after I decide I'm going to be loyal to someone, be they friend, pet, whatever, I am almost undyingly loyal in almost every circumstance unless they give me a powerful reason to distrust them.

Which brings me to my next point. I'm wondering -- does anyone really know me? Most people know part of me, but I don't think many know all of me. Troublesome only in the fact that I take the time to learn a lot about my friends. I could probably recite many facts about the lives, pasts, dreams, and devotions of most of my friends.

Who could do the same for me?

Before the siesta

AP scores just came in:

Score needed to evade Stats - 3
AP Stats - 3

Score needed to evade Lit - 4
AP Lit - 5

Amount Pauluzzi contributed to this score - 0.000%
Amount she'll assume she caused - 150%
Amount she'll be wrong -- HAHAHAAAHAHHAAH!!!!!!
I HATE YOU, SATAN-WOMAN!!!!

I'm overworked...

...and I guess decently enough paid, but that's really not the point.

I'm working at least an 11 hour day today. Not COOL at all. 4 hours for my mom in the morning, maybe a 4 hour break, and 7+ hours at BBuster.

I am not pleased.

I'm tired

I'm tired, and tired of being tired, which only makes me exhausted.

Kudos to Lance, who apparently camped out at BBuster to find me...and finally did. We had a late dinner at Subway. Thanks Lance, for reading! :)

And speaking of work, I'm tired of working. It's just not fair. I have my BBuster job, but on top of that I have to help my mom at her daycare. I wouldn't really mind that, except she doesn't ask, she tells me I'm working for her. The whole reason I got a job was so that I wouldn't have to work for her. And this whole situation would be fine if I felt like I were actually earning money, but I never see it -- straight into the post-college savings account -- so if feels like I'm doing all this work for nothing. Very aggravating. All this work, weird scheduling, and I don't feel like I'm getting anything out of it. AAaaaaaaa!

Speaking of spending my money, I get to go to Edgefest! Hurray! Spending money for something I want to do! I've never been to a concert before, so I figure this is a good way to start...three stages full of bands!

Tiger Plaza, for the Mizzou tigers. (Jesse hall in background)

My dorm...McDavid, from the outside, because we never got to see it.

All I could see driving to Mizzou....the WHOLE way.

I WILL survive!

Didja Miss Me?

I have been gone for four days and I don't think anyone noticed. Tells me how much I mean to you people.

I've been on a really wild trip to Mizzou. It was great. FANTASTIC. Very long.

It's apparently a 10-13 hour drive (10 only if you never get gas, stop to pee, drink, eat, etc) Kansas has NOWHERE to stop on the entire turnpike, and they charge you an arm and a leg for trying to get off. But it is a lovely pile of asphalt.

The school was beautiful, and intimidating. But I am now officially a student at the University of Missouri, and I think I'll be really happy there when I have to leave in about a month.

My advisor (for the Honors college) was great; we are kindred spirits. (She was wearing a tiara and flowy clothes...fantastic!) Because of that, she was really helpful with my schedule, and it absolutely rocks! I only have one morning class, one day, and I'll be finished by 2 almost every day. That and I've gotten out of most of the freshman-required classes, by taking AP tests and four years of spanish. (If I'd copped out like most of you losers, I would have had to take 12-15 hours all over again). That and I have no math requirement (having gotten out of that with SAT scores) and no PE requirement. I'm living easy!

However, I currently am signed up for 16 hours. Here's my schedule:
Notes: H=Honors L=lecture D= small group discussion FIG=Freshman Interest Group

Mon.> 11-11:50 Psychology >> 1-1:50 Mythology (required :-D )
Tues.> 9-9:50 H Hist. L >> 11-11:50 Philosophy L >>1-1:50 Microecon. L >>3-3:50 FIG D
Wed.> 9-9:50 Microecon. D >>11-11:50 Psychology >>1-1:50 Mythology
Thurs.>9-9:50 H Hist. L >>11-11:50 Philosophy L >>1-1:50 Microecon L
Fri. >8-8:50 Philosophy D :( >> 11-11:50 Psy. >>12-12:50 H History D >> 1-1:50 Myth.


FIGs are groups of 15-20 freshman who share a similar interest, (Journalism, here) who take three classes together and live in the same dorm. It's a way to meet new people and make friends/studybuddies right off the bat. My FIG classes are Myth., Psy., and MEcon...oh, and the FIG discussion where we learn to "adjust to college life."

Anyway, that was my trip to Mizzou. Woo Mizzou.

Road Trippin' : Mizzou

I gave my mom the Summer Welcome (aka. freshman orientation) information months ago, with the understanding that that meant she would fill out the form and sign us up for a date and it would all be settled.

That didn't happen.

So this is the last week they have Summer Welcome, and we have to pack up and head out. It's a 10-12 hour drive, so we are leaving today and should be happily in Missouri tomorrow. Wednesday is a full-day of Summer Welcome-ing, and Thursday is a half-day. I'll try to take pictures so everyone can see just how pretty my school is.


I hope to be back by Friday night. (I'd better be, I have to work then)

Hablas espanol?

I had my first major test in Spanish today, much harder than any written or verbal test I ever took in four years of it in school.

I had to help a woman who only understood Spanish. I could only respond in Spanish. Thankfully, my teacher for the last three years, Senora Garcia, primarily spoke to us in Spanish, so I'm pretty good at understanding what people are saying. My problem is responding. However, I did what I needed to do without much pain for either of us.

But I did say "Lo siento" to la senora por mi espanol muy mal.

Will's Priority List

Circa band trip junior year. Just found it cleaning/organizing my room.

We were REALLY bored on that overly-long bus ride to Colorado.

****
1)Food 2)Sex 3)Protection (vital areas)
4)Sleep 5)Doing Nothing 6)Computer/other crap
7)Randomness 8)Friendships based on Hate
9)Unnecessary violence 10)Bondies/Hurst/Umbarger
11) Big Pimpin' 12)Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta
13)Things on Terz (I have no idea what that was...?)
14) Cookies on Dowels 15) Holy Trilogy and New Crap
16) Matrix 17)Imperialism 18)Music
19) Hygene (for sex) 20) h4x0r5 21) NINJAS
22)(this space intentionally left blank)


Wow, oddly enough, I think I miss the Will that did things like that. He was funny.

My Day

Apparently, the bruise is both healing and worsening. I think the actual bleeding part has healed, but it seems to be 'weeping' something. Gross. It still doesn't look very pretty, but I don't notice it as much...other people do.

Just got home from work. BBuster doesn't close until 1 on Fridays and Saturdays. Woo. Oh, a creepy part of my job: Mr. Chavez. Mr. Chavez is a 40-something guy with two kids that has the movie pass (which means he comes in every day, maybe more than once, to get new movies...He must not have a life). For some reason, Mr. Chavez has decided I am someone he likes. Someone he likes so much he seeks me out to ask me about movies whenever he comes in. Someone he likes so much he said, "You make me wish I was 20 years young, so that I would at least have a chance to go on a date with you."


I almost vomited right there. Unfortunately, "the customer is always right" so I made some lame joke about something to distract the freak.

It's true that I wanted someone to be attracted to me...but NOT a gross old man old enough to be my dad.

Pencil-Necked Chic

http://www.latimes.com/features/lifestyle/la-et-ordona2jul02,1,2149210.story?coll=la-headlines-lifestyle

use registrationsuxxx as the login and regsux for the password

Free Movie of the Day

Gangs of New York

I think this is a wonderful movie. I love the passion in it, from the love-disgust relationship Jenny has with Amsterdam to the violent gang-warfare. It's a great movie, both cinematically and story-wise. Sometimes I feel like some of the subplots could have been better developed, but I love the ending. I think I like it all the better because it is kind of based on reality: it takes the seeds of reality and blossoms them into a good story.
It's also great because of the many ways you can look at it. You can see the revenge aspect of Amsterdam and the Butcher, the relationship Amsterdam develops with the Butcher and his internal struggle with that. You can look at the historical background of New York and the immigrants, the buying of the votes, the killing of officials, the underhanded politics, and the destruction of the city in a despicable attempt to put down the riot with such real characters as Horace Greely. You can see the love story and wreaked life of Jenny, a misguided girl raised by a criminal. You can see a different side of the abolition story, a story about rioting in the North, instead of the traditional "South hated blacks" lesson.

I love this movie.

Sweet Dreamin'

So I had a weird dream last night. Well, not entirely weird, but the fact that it has lingered so long is weird enough. I thought I'd share.
Well, it's not a flushed-out remembered dream, but I'll tell my impressions of the dream.

I am somewhere new, that I have begun to consider home. It is a desert, flat and dry. Orange, with a few trees for the cicadas to hum in. I drive there, and park in a cool, underground garage, a huge parking garage.
Throughout the dream, there are three men. I have dated all of them, or rather, flirted or something like that. The one with the most promise is a tall, handsome, black man, with beautiful eyes.
He follows me after I've had a long day at work. I'm tired, and feel empty and alone. He walks up to me in the cool of the garage (for some reason, the garage being cool was important), and folds me into his arms, where I fit perfectly in his embrace. He says something reassuring, kisses me, says some stupid comment about Jamaica, and I kiss him, preventing him from speaking. Then the other two are there. One is blond, white, and only a little taller than me. The other is of some obscure parentage...he wasn't important in the dream, outside of his presence. Mr.Blond steps up, challenging me to choose between them. Mr.Blond is a decent enough fellow, but he did something wrong in the past that I still haven't forgiven him for. Mr.Beautiful Black Man is wonderful, but it is still considered wrong, in some ways, for a white girl to date a black man.

I choose Mr.Beautiful. The dream ends with a firm kiss deep in his arms as Mr.Blond gawks.

What a strange dream, eh?

Yesterday

I worked yesterday morning. Boring, great, woo, whatever.

So, after work I was cranky and irritable for no apparent reason. I took a nap.

Post-napping, I felt like going out and making reparations for my irritability earlier. I called Scott and arranged to go rollerblading with him in the new C-town park they just built. He's better than me, but I'm rolling around trying to prove to myself that I don't completely suck. This went VERY well: the first sharp turn, I sat on my butt, hard. Sat on my butt, braced my impact with my wrist, and bruised my right shin. A little later on, a slope left my on my bum again: landed on same wrist, scraped bruised shin. I promise I haven't fallen off my skates in a year and a half; twice that night. I am now sporting a bruise a little bigger than a quarter, a lovely greenish-brown color with a slit of blood in the middle. And, to accompany said bruise, long, thin, streaky bruises all around.

I won't be wearing any short skirts for awhile. Or capris. My legs will have to hide in shame until this lovely bruise fades.

After my pathetic falling incident, we took off the skates and walked (still trying to get some athletic worth out of the night). Then, to counteract said activity, we got shakes and talked at Sonic.

Ow...my shin hurts whenever something brushes against it. It will be hard to hide it in shame when it hurts to wear pants.