Huzzah!

I made my very first ever snowperson in the world! It is the absolute best, most amazing snowman ever. Well, actually, it's a snow-woman. Eric helped me make her. He made a snowman, and I made my snow-woman, and they are standing out there in Peace Park holding twig-hands and smiling their candy smiles all kinds of happy. I love them! The snowman was wearing Eric's baseball cap and one of my blue scarves and had pretty M&M buttons all down his snowy belly, and my snow-woman had a hat and my scarf. They used to have gloves on their twig-hands (for the picture) and they were holding hands.

I LOVE MY SNOWPERSON! (I'll post a picture if I can...)

Back to school

Hello all. I'm back at school, in far far away Missouri-land, where the snow is pretty and the world is cold and the only dining hall open is the one farthest from me. It's been really nice being back, especially since the only thing I have to do is sit around and get reaquainted with all the folks I've been missing around here. We stay up really late doing nothing...however, the dining hall being far away and it being cold, we are having a bit of trouble eating...oh well, I can survive on minimal food rationing until tomorrow, right?
I got all my books, giving me a whopping total bill of $424; and that when Mark gave me his journalism books for free so I don't have to buy those. Four of my books had to be bought new. Ach. And, even more terrifying, one of my books was written by my professor. Good, because that means he knows a lot; bad, because he'll know if we read the book or not. Yikes.

For those of you that don't recall, Meaghan-the-roommate and I drove up here on Thursday. We left at 7 a.m. from the Colony and got in Colombia at about 7:30 at night. Granted, we stopped for breakfast and lunch and two gas stops, but that's a long long long trip. And now I won't get in a car for a long time.

...right, nothing more really to say...so i guess I'm done. Sorry this wasn't exciting.

"Raisin," Eric, family, gangs, warnings

I've just finished reading "A Raisin in the Sun"--what a powerful book, and so well written! It is amazing, and I'm really glad I met it; partially because I haven't read too much over break, partially because it's one of those classics I've been meaning to hit, and partially because it has an amazing message.

If you have not read this book, you should. You definitely should.

For those of you who don't know, it's about an African-American family living in the ghetto of Chicago, trying to make a better life for themselves and moving into a new house... but life has its challenges.

It makes me want to be with Eric, to grab onto him, clutch him tightly to me, and tell him what it means to me. That I'm so glad I met him, how he has changed my perspective, slightly.

And now to explain something about my family, related to this, that might clarify my life just a bit. My parents are technically okay with my dating Eric, though they were "disappointed that I didn't trust them enough to tell them" he is black. But I just didn't know how they would react. My dad doesn't seriously seem to mind, but sometimes, my mom says something, unconciously I guess, that really bother me...

My brother was being stupid, the usual twelve-year-old, and he did something random with his hands in response to something he saw in the movie we were watching. Something along the lines of the 'Hook 'em Horns" or "Rock On" sign, but both hands, crossed over his chest. Just being dumb. My mom sharply said, and I quote, "Ryan, when did your skin get darker?" ---then, muttering, "what are you doing, flashing gang signs?" ... For those of us who cannot connect the dots, she was alluding that my brother was making some sort of gang sign (which, unless I'm very wrong, he was not), which meant he must be in a gang, which obviously means he is either black or Hispanic, because those are the only groups of people that would ever sink to the level of joining a gang--good little white boys do not do that sort of thing.

We all fussed at each other for just a minute, then everyone, especially my mother, seemed to realize what she had said, and quieted down, numb with the words uttered. We never said anything more about it.


And this was the woman who engaged in a "heated discussion" with me about why I didn't tell her, WARN her, that I am dating a black man from Chicago. Who didn't understand why I didn't want to tell her. Why that encounter scared me more than anything else.... the woman I took a severe-chewing out from.


*Sigh*


If anyone, ANYone, utters a word of this or something like this to my mother, or to someone that might tell my mother, I will hurt you. I WILL seek you out and demand retribution. Why, you may ask, do I issue this warning? Because certain parties I have confided in regarding this situation have big mouths and think they are being funny when they bring it up, or think it is necessary to tell their parents, who then transfer this information to my mother, who then attacks me again. It is NOT funny. It is something being silently battled in my household, and I do not wish to go over it all again.

Thank you, and I apologize for the ranting.

Silence, Star Wars, forever friends, wallflower, chicken fingers, and bad cocoa

It is the end of an era: today I took down the Christmas tree...

A moment of silence, please....

Now the pathetic tree is lying outside in my backyard on it's side in the grass, shedding all it's needles into my yard. All the ornaments are back in their plastic box and the lights are bundled on top of said box, waiting to go back into the attic. It's truly a sad time.

However, I did try to liven the mood as I was dismembering the tree by popping in a movie to listen to and occasionally stop to watch. I indulged myself. I turned on "Star Wars: Attack of the Clones." Yes, folks, I'm a semi-Star Wars fanatic, it's true. Whilist disrobing the tree, I remembered how much I want to be Natalie Portman...she is so beautiful! But what is great about her is that she is beautiful in a way that is possible! Woah, what a concept! But what I most like about that movie, my main indulgence, is one particular scene. Anakin and Padme are on some island in Naboo, hiding out. They've just arrived, and are totally alone, for once. She's talking about her childhood days here, swimming and lying on the sand. Anakin starts talking about how he hates the sand. "It's rough, and coarse, and it gets EVERYwhere. I like it much better here..." And he starts running his hand lightly, ever so gently, up her arm and to her shoulder. (here's the kicker) He looks at her with these eyes ...woah these eyes. Those eyes are so full of lush and absolute adoration...
I watch that movie and wish someone looked at me that way. Of course, I realize that it is this powerful emotion that is ultimately his downfall, and it's even a little creepy (a nine-year-old has had a crush on a 15-year-old for, what, ten years? Weird!) But, YowZAh!

Okay, so I threw my naked Christmas tree out on the lawn, exposed to the world (or at least the parts of the world that can see into my backyard). Then, I went out. Yes, it's true folks, I went out! I went out with two of my favoritiest people in the whole world, Katie and Adrienne, who I have known since elementary school. (go eagles!) We've kept in touch, and I pray we keep it up for years and years. I want to know how we all turn out. What's funny about those friends--no matter how long it's been since we last talked, we always manage to fall right back in with each other and talk and talk and it's just the greatest thing. Really. I'm so glad I have a friendship like that.
Anyway, I saw my friends Adrienne and Katie. Adrienne goes to UT and Katie goes to a small school in Colorado. So I'm kinda the middle ground, all the way around. ...You know, being with them always makes me feel like a wallflower...like I don't do anything amazing or interesting. First, they are both very pretty. Not pretty like a model, but pretty like they don't have to try. And that is super-cool. And they both are very snazzy dressers. They just have a natural flair that I feel like I don't have. I'm happy wearing my FARC shirt and something to keep me warm. They looked....well, Like they tried. But they didnt' and I know it. Grr. And they do fantastic things. Adrienne just got back from a cruise with her family to Belize and Mexico. Katie is about to go to Hawaii. Both go to parties and do that thing. They always seem to be busy with someone doing something... And I never am. So I am left feeling very much like a wallflower. Not that that is necessarily bad, it's just how things are. I feel like, if we went to a bar, I'd be the 'ugly girl' that the guy on the Budweiser commerical would have to talk to so the friend could get the pretty one... Yeah, that pretty much sums up how I feel there.
Right. So it was a great day though. We went to Fridays, which was good because I got to indulge in Chicken Fingers...mmm, finger food. Then we loafed around and talked about deep things like politics (I'm serious here) and went to see "The Phantom of the Opera." I liked it. It was artsy and very dramatic. Cool.
This is something that Adrienne said that I really liked-- "I'd like my life to be a musical. Have people break into song and a coordinated dance when something happens. Even if it was a tragic ending, I'd like it because it would be beautiful."
Very cool.

So then I ended up back here, at home. My mom and I went to the Gap in the mall on another gift-return crusade where we end up not actually buying anything though I try things on and then hate myself for the way the clothing item makes me look or the fact that it does not fit and I have to get the bigger size. What a pain.
We came back home, and now I sit at this keyboard late at night drinking a cup of bad watery hot chocolate that I only got as an attempt to keep my hands warm. Yuck.

I think I've babbled enough for one entry...good night.

Kickboxing Princess

Okay, so here follows the entry that will weed out my friends from the people that ...well, just don't get me. I'm not too sure why I want to share this, but ...I think it's fun!

Do you ever get in weird moods when you are alone, have the house completely to yourself? I do--take this morning for example. This morning, after everyone left the house, I played dress up. Yes, yes I did, and I admit it. I wore my "Asian shoes" (leftovers from Romeo and Juliet), my loose black pants, with a sports bra and the pink plastic Cinderella crown Santa gave me with the pearl necklace I got on my 16th birthday (my coming-of-age gift; tells you something about my family, eh?) I was going for the Kickboxing Princess look, and, I'll tell you, I think I nailed it. Now, adequately dressed, I went out into the world: aka. the kitchen. I turned on my radio really loud, blaring my favoritest Alternative Rock station (KDGE!), and danced crazily while doing the dishes. Dancing...crazy dancing. Which probably isn't the best thing for me--dancing works for people like Beyonce and Eminem, because, if they do something stupid, everyone thinks its cool. If I do it, it's stupid...but such is life.
Sadly, this didn't last too long--my mom called to see if my dad was home yet. Thankfully no, and her phone call gave me the chance to change before he arrived...wouldn't want people thinking I'm crazy...

On dreams, FARCers, entertainment, and muses

Sorry, y'all, I haven't updated in forever.
I'm home, have been awhile, and frankly, I'm pretty happy. I mean, I have no demands on my shoulders. That has literally NEVER happened to me before. Seriously--isn't that depressing? Yea, it's true. Every summer of my life was devoted to summer school for advancement, and to keep me out of my parent's hair. It was 'good for me.' I felt jipped out of the childhood experience of complete opportunity, freedom to play. So now I'm taking complete advantage of it...nothing to do and plenty of time to do it in. Livin' the dream!
But that doesn't mean I'm perfectly happy; just content. I miss Eric and Adam and AdamandWill and Stephanie and all those FARCers. And I'm being pretty pathetic about doing things with my pals here...I haven't managed to see many of them, mostly out of my own apathy; I'm happy not doing anything, and I just don't want to plan anything. Pathetic, I know.
I did manage to find some entertainment for New Year's Eve...that was one night I didn't want to spend alone, or just with the parents. So I called up the guys, and got a little group together to spend New Year's at their apartment. I made my dad/brother's famous chili (secret recipe, if you're good I might make it at school) and chocolate chip cookies (except for the ones that I would have made with the cookie dough I ate..yum). (I <3 cookie dough). We watched "Shaun of the Dead," a British romantic comedy/zombie movie. Wow!
Allright...I think I'm going to go looking for my muse now...