Silence, Star Wars, forever friends, wallflower, chicken fingers, and bad cocoa

It is the end of an era: today I took down the Christmas tree...

A moment of silence, please....

Now the pathetic tree is lying outside in my backyard on it's side in the grass, shedding all it's needles into my yard. All the ornaments are back in their plastic box and the lights are bundled on top of said box, waiting to go back into the attic. It's truly a sad time.

However, I did try to liven the mood as I was dismembering the tree by popping in a movie to listen to and occasionally stop to watch. I indulged myself. I turned on "Star Wars: Attack of the Clones." Yes, folks, I'm a semi-Star Wars fanatic, it's true. Whilist disrobing the tree, I remembered how much I want to be Natalie Portman...she is so beautiful! But what is great about her is that she is beautiful in a way that is possible! Woah, what a concept! But what I most like about that movie, my main indulgence, is one particular scene. Anakin and Padme are on some island in Naboo, hiding out. They've just arrived, and are totally alone, for once. She's talking about her childhood days here, swimming and lying on the sand. Anakin starts talking about how he hates the sand. "It's rough, and coarse, and it gets EVERYwhere. I like it much better here..." And he starts running his hand lightly, ever so gently, up her arm and to her shoulder. (here's the kicker) He looks at her with these eyes ...woah these eyes. Those eyes are so full of lush and absolute adoration...
I watch that movie and wish someone looked at me that way. Of course, I realize that it is this powerful emotion that is ultimately his downfall, and it's even a little creepy (a nine-year-old has had a crush on a 15-year-old for, what, ten years? Weird!) But, YowZAh!

Okay, so I threw my naked Christmas tree out on the lawn, exposed to the world (or at least the parts of the world that can see into my backyard). Then, I went out. Yes, it's true folks, I went out! I went out with two of my favoritiest people in the whole world, Katie and Adrienne, who I have known since elementary school. (go eagles!) We've kept in touch, and I pray we keep it up for years and years. I want to know how we all turn out. What's funny about those friends--no matter how long it's been since we last talked, we always manage to fall right back in with each other and talk and talk and it's just the greatest thing. Really. I'm so glad I have a friendship like that.
Anyway, I saw my friends Adrienne and Katie. Adrienne goes to UT and Katie goes to a small school in Colorado. So I'm kinda the middle ground, all the way around. ...You know, being with them always makes me feel like a wallflower...like I don't do anything amazing or interesting. First, they are both very pretty. Not pretty like a model, but pretty like they don't have to try. And that is super-cool. And they both are very snazzy dressers. They just have a natural flair that I feel like I don't have. I'm happy wearing my FARC shirt and something to keep me warm. They looked....well, Like they tried. But they didnt' and I know it. Grr. And they do fantastic things. Adrienne just got back from a cruise with her family to Belize and Mexico. Katie is about to go to Hawaii. Both go to parties and do that thing. They always seem to be busy with someone doing something... And I never am. So I am left feeling very much like a wallflower. Not that that is necessarily bad, it's just how things are. I feel like, if we went to a bar, I'd be the 'ugly girl' that the guy on the Budweiser commerical would have to talk to so the friend could get the pretty one... Yeah, that pretty much sums up how I feel there.
Right. So it was a great day though. We went to Fridays, which was good because I got to indulge in Chicken Fingers...mmm, finger food. Then we loafed around and talked about deep things like politics (I'm serious here) and went to see "The Phantom of the Opera." I liked it. It was artsy and very dramatic. Cool.
This is something that Adrienne said that I really liked-- "I'd like my life to be a musical. Have people break into song and a coordinated dance when something happens. Even if it was a tragic ending, I'd like it because it would be beautiful."
Very cool.

So then I ended up back here, at home. My mom and I went to the Gap in the mall on another gift-return crusade where we end up not actually buying anything though I try things on and then hate myself for the way the clothing item makes me look or the fact that it does not fit and I have to get the bigger size. What a pain.
We came back home, and now I sit at this keyboard late at night drinking a cup of bad watery hot chocolate that I only got as an attempt to keep my hands warm. Yuck.

I think I've babbled enough for one entry...good night.