Candy days and snow dusted nights

I just ate the first chocolate square out of the advent calendar my aunt gave me, which means, yes, it is the first day of December. Isn't it amazing how time can move both so fast and yet crawl so slowly?
I apologize for being so terrible about updating my blog. I just...didn't want to write...because, like I said, writing these things down might make them real--and that's scary. But I'll try to update all the facets of my life.
First, I love you all. Please never forget that.

Let's go by topic:
ERIC (the boyfriend-figure)--
Eric broke up with me about two weeks before Thanksgiving break. This had been foreseeable, so it was a relatively painless breakup, as breakups go. I stoically avoided him for four days (challenging when you live together and are used to seeing each other every day), when he finally caught up with me and we had a "talk." It was sad, and he was so pathetic. He really wanted to get back together. He told me he "realized how amazing (I) was", and how every minute he had managed to see me, he always felt so sad and wanted to run to me and hold me and... you get the idea. Basically, it was a series of the sweetest things people had ever said to me, and he was completely sincere. BUT...I didn't want to make a snap decision...so I told him I just didn't know. This is kinda where things still are. I would say we are more than friends, but I'm not ready to commit and be "girlfriend" again, though I must act like it. ...yea, I still kiss him and all that, but I don't know if there is enough there to make an actual "relationship." It's hard, and I feel so bad for hurting him in this slight way all the time, but I honestly don't know what to do. I don't even know if I want a relationship right now, or if I want to "play the field" and by now, with less than 3 weeks of school, I wonder if it is even worth it.

CLASSES (basic update)--
Classes are still good. I like them all almost all of the time. They aren't hard, and I only have to work just hard enough to maintain my A's. Nice. I like Philosophy , mostly because it is my most challenging class, in that we are actually reading the philosophers and trying to figure out what the heck they are saying. I have to write a 5 page paper on Kant and Hume by the 7th. Wish me luck. I still have to figure that all out.

ROOMMATE (Meaghan from Texas)--
Meaghan and I get along, I suppose. We don't hate each other, but we aren't friends or anything. We just cohabitate. Basic survival. We talk on occasion, but most of the time we aren't even in the room at the same time. She thinks she'll probbaly go to Texas, UNT, for school next year, so I don't know what I'll do about a roommate next year anyway. I need to work on that.

FRIENDS (at Mizzou)--
Even this has to be complicated. Everyone seems to be sickly, in some manner, and/or have extreme problems with the opposite sex (self included, see above). Stephanie, who is perhaps my closest friend here, (my next-door neighbor, half-Japanese friend) has been going through an especially hard time, on both counts. The sicklyness is being medicated, but the guy problems only seem to escalate. I try to watch out for her, after all, that's what a good friend does, but ...whew.
People here, in general, are all splendid and nice people. Being that I live in the Fine Arts dorm, we are all also slightly on the crazy side. It's really refreshing to get to hang out with so many creative people. However, because the dorm is on the edge of campus, we are a little ...isolated. I don't really have any friends outside of my dorm (but I have quite a few in the dorm). I don't even know how I would go about trying to make friends out of the dorm...

HOME, FRIENDS, ETC. (Texas)--
I keep saying Thanksgiving break was both too long and too short. It was too long because I missed all my friends here at Mizzou, who I see every day and whose lives are intertwined with my own. It was too short because I didn't really get a chance to do anything much with my friends at home. I'm also having a semi-serious problem figuring out where "home" is. I feel like home is both places; Carrollton, and Columbia. I think I really hurt my mom's feelings, because I kept saying "when I go home..." but I didn't mean to, and it was completely unconscious, because I have been calling my dorm room "home" for the past four months!
It was great seeing everybody (or nearly everyone) but I wished we could have done more. I was actually quite happy just to "be" with the guys in their apartment...we should do that more. Y'all don't know how good you have it. I also loved seeing Morgan and Scott at the movie...I missed Morgan and her music! Nothing will ever replace that...
But it struck me, incredibly, how different my Mizzou friends are from all y'all. It's strange, isn't it? It was also pretty amazing how the guys hadn't so much changed as...continued on the same path they had been on in high school...just an extension of themselves, whereas I feel like I've grown and changed in a lot of subtle ways--like I'm Play-doh, and everyone here and everything I've encountered has made a slight impression, overall changing the shape of me as a whole.

Well, I've been writing for nearly an hour (on and off-ish...poor attention here) so I guess I'll wrap up. I love Mizzou, but feel like I need to make more friends outside of the dorm. I have a strange and strained relationship with Eric, and don't know where that is going. I feel like I'm split between two homes, and I feel like I am Play-doh, whereas my "high school" friends are just...baby animals that are just growing into the next stage.

I love you all. Hugs and Kisses:
~Megan