Excerpts from The Maneater

The following are excerpts from The Maneater, Mizzou's student newspaper and (hopefully) my future home. Received today in the mail.

HEADLINES--
"University of Texas: Police investigating crank caller"
"Officials scour Columbia for girl after Amber Alert, learn she is an adult"
"MSA confronts student apathy"

OTHER--
"Want to bitch at us? Well you can't. Not until our first issue on Aug. 24."
"I debated buying hundreds of muffins and giving them out to people on campus to cheer them up, but I realized I didn't want to be known as Muffin Girl for the next four years of my life."
"Left handers have rights too!!!"
"With a new school year upon us we must do what we came to college to do...Develop, Retain & Increase Needy Knowledge"